Blogging vs. Facebook

I understand the difference between a blog and a social network. Here I can write and write and write, get it all out, make my feelings known. But with Facebook I can post one-liners regularly that keeps everyone abreast of all my news. You all know what I did last weekend, what I got for Christmas, how frustrated I am with Brazilla. I loved blogging and I want to blog more. But with time so short and FB so easy, I just don't do it anymore. To drive my point home, I started writing this entry three days ago! It's been sitting here, open on my desktop, just staring at me, calling me, daring me to finish. Here's what I've decided to do. I'm going to get organized. I am going to schedule time for writing just like I do for schoolwork. There is so much more that I want to write than just the mundane going ons of my life. And I'm going to start right now, with this posting. It's not exciting but I got it done!

Talk about new

I haven't written anything in months. I don't know if anyone even reads this blog anymore. It doesn't matter, I guess. I just need to write. 

The last 9 months have been so crazy. I've been alongside Aaron this whole time devoting nearly every minute of my life to getting his kids back. I've got so much invested in him and his children that I wonder if I haven't let other aspects of my life slide. I don't have much of a sense of self anymore. I don't have a job. I'm not going to school. What do I do all day? Help Aaron with custody issues, help Aaron with various projects he's working on, help Aaron with his homework. I feel a little lost. 

I'm deeply in love with this man. I've never felt a love like this, not from or for anyone. He brings me to life. I am completely and totally devoted to him. I've said and I believe that if I can feel this wonderful with him now, amidst all this turmoil, then what joy will I know when the drama ends. And it will end. 

So I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm worried. I'm overwhelmed. My heart has been racing more lately, I feel butterflies in my stomach often. But I wouldn't give it up. Not any of it. I would do it again and again and again - for Aaron. 

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year! I'm excited about this year. I just know it's going to be great. New beginnings, new opportunities, new friends. My new year's resolution? To be happy. And I hope you are too. 

Christmas in Colorado

Christmas eve 

Our new dog, Blue

Well, things aren't perfect this Christmas but I'm trying to keep positive and really enjoy the blessings and gifts that I do have. Alana came the day before my birthday (best present ever) and I'm so glad to have her with me this Christmas. Christmas eve Alana and I went to Aaron's parents house. Aaron and his daughters didn't go (it's a long story for those that don't understand) so I was a little worried that it would be awkward. His brother Sam and sister-in-law Lori were there with there two young kids. Alana played great with Conner and Abby and the rest of the family made me feel so welcome and comfortable. I'm really grateful for Aaron's family. They have been tremendously supportive. His father made beautiful wodden rocking horses for all of his small granddaughters and he even made one for Alana! We really felt like part of the family. 

This morning I woke up to a scream. I was hoping it was a happy scream but it wasn't. I dashed out of my room to find Alana crying in her room, standing over a puddle of bright red vomit. What a way to start Christmas morning. I put my poor baby in the bath, cleaned up the mess, and sighed. Unfortunately, the carpet in this house has not been stain treated and if you so much as look at it funny, it stains. 

Finally, we opened presents. She got a lot of cute, small things from Santa and some wonderful presents from family. 

Aaron is out with his girls until tomorrow so it's just me and Alana. She's sleeping now, fell asleep watching a movie. When she gets up we'll go to the movies and out to eat. Some mommy daughter time. 

Merry Christmas!!

Winter Wonderland

It snowed a lot over the past weekend and yesterday and the result is lovely. The houses are covered with snow, icicles are forming, the air is crisp and clean. Just driving down the street makes me happy. And this neighborhood had people putting up lights before Thanksgiving. Talk about Christmas spirit! I love it!

In the neighborhood

My house

Shoveling the driveway

Countdown to Alana

Alana comes home to me on December 18th, arriving at the Denver airport at 8:47 p.m. I couldn't be more excited. She's coming permanently and she is going to love it here. Those who know me well know that I count down to everything I'm excited about. So here is my official countdown clock to the return of my daughter.

Cripple Creek

I'm all moved into Colorado now - I guess I should add a post about the move, my new house, etc. I'll get to that later. I do really like my new house so I'll post some pictures another time. 
Yesterday Aaron and I went to Cripple Creek, an old gold mining town. Gambling's allowed there so the main street consists mostly of casinos and some novelty shops, all of which sold fudge. We've had so much crap going on lately and things have been so tense, so it was nice to finally take a day for just the two of us to relax. We had lunch at one of the casinos then just ambled down the street enjoying the brisk but beautiful day. 
We found a shop that did those old tyme photos and we decided to do it. It was so much fun getting dressed up and playing around. There weren't many people in Cripple Creek (except for all the elderly that were gambling) so we were the only ones getting pictures done and the photographer, Cheryl, spent a lot of time with us. It was a great diversion.